Forever Changed - 16 Years

We all have circumstances or events that constitute the sum of who we are. Some are happy and some are not so happy. Still, I choose to accept the view that had I not experienced these circumstances or events I would not be the person I am today. And having these experiences will, hopefully, allow me to help someone along in their journey of this thing we call life.

I could tell you all sorts of stories about my childhood and on that have had tremendous impact to me being, well, me. But, the one I'm talking about today visits my mind and emotions probably the most often, particularly during the month of September and particularly today, September 13th.

My life was forever changed September 13, 1995. It doesn't seem possible it could have been twelve years ago, yet it seems like a life time. At that time I was deep into getting a Bachelors in Mathematics. Exactly one week before I had spoke before a special committee of the Kentucky State Legislature as a representative of the Community and Junior Colleges throughout the state. My mornings consisted of getting my children, Aaron-17, Sara-14 and Jordan-9 off to school before I headed out for my day of classes. On this particular morning Sara's friend Jenny had called to say she had missed her bus and could they give her a ride to school. You know as a mom you get tired of being the jerk so I told them sure. I didn't want her to get in trouble with her mom for missing school. As I was getting ready to go out the door they pulled up, Aaron had forgotten his backpack. Backpack in hand off they went. Just as I was walking down the front steps the fire alarm in town went off and as I got to the end of our road a State Trooper went flying pass me with light and siren on full tilt.

I almost turned to go the same way, but decided I was being ridiculous so I turned right and went on my way. The kids didn't have cell phones at the time. Aaron had a pager and I called it thinking that when he got to school he would call. And then I called Nanny's house. She lived about a block from the high school so I made them park there instead of the school because I was afraid they would have a wreck with all the craziness of kids trying to get out of the parking lot at final bell. She hadn't seen them, but I told her it was foggy and it was probably just taking them a little longer than normal. I ended up calling Aaron's pager and Nanny a couple more times. Then I called the church to speak to my husband, David. Our Church Administrator said that he had received a call stating that the kids had been in an accident and he and our Associate Pastor had gone to check it out. David wouldn't have anything to do with a cell phone but I knew Marion had one so I called it. Marion answered and as soon as he knew it was me he gave it to David. As he said hello I could hear the helicopter blades in the background as two choppers lifted off to head for Louisville. David stated that the kids had been injured in a one vehicle accident and were being stat flighted to Louisville but not to worry, he was sure it was just a standard thing and for me to go on to classes. I knew better, I knew if they were stat flighting them it had to be serious. We discussed a good place for me to meet him so we could go to the hospital together.

As I drove to our meeting place my phone rang. It was the police, they had found Aaron's pager going off and called the number. As soon as he knew it was me he asked if I knew where my children were. I told him it was my understanding they were being flown to a hospital in Louisville. He said yes, my two were being taken to Kosair Children's Hospital and that Jenny was being taken to University. I told him how to get in contact with her mother and hung up. I didn't know the extent of any of their injuries but I knew enough to know that if Jenny was being taken to University she was the most seriously injured.

Once we arrived we were ushered into an emergency room where Aaron lay on one side and Sara on the other. They had both been thrown out the sun roof of Aaron's little Ranger and both had sustained broken backs plus many lacerations and contusions. Sara's back was broken in the thoracic area and her spleen had been badly damaged. Aaron's back was broken in the lumbar region and he had two plastic surgeons working on his face and head for a number of hours. Sara was in the hospital for about a week and a half and then sent home for a month or so to see if her spleen would heal before they did her back surgery. She had to wear one of those hard tortoise shells in order to be able to move around. They performed Aaron's surgery within the first couple days. And he remained in Kosairs for about a week and a half before he was transferred to Frazier Rehab. Basically he had to learn to walk all over again. He remained at Frazier for about 5 -6 weeks. By the time we were able to take him home he literally looked like someone from a concentration camp. It took him many months before he could walk without a cane and he had to wear a brace for some time. David stayed home with Sara and I stayed with Aaron.

Two days after the accident they removed little Jenny off of life support. If you have children, particularly older children, you know there are friends that your kids have that you like but when they are around it is like having a guest and then there are friends that just fit in, they seem like part of the family. Jenny was one of those. When she was around she just felt like one of mine.

I cannot begin to tell you the grief I felt at that time. The Bible says that when Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was in so much grief and pressure that He actually sweat drops of blood. I cannot imagine that kind of grief, I felt at any moment large droplets of blood would begin to pour from my forehead. I experienced immense grief but also anger and even guilt. Why did I get my babies back, injured and maimed yes, but I got em back and why didn't Jenny's parents get her?

It took me several years to work through that. Am I actually through it now? When something so traumatic happens to you I don't know that you ever actually get over it. Here twelve years later I could cry as if it were yesterday. Is it easier? Definitely. Sometimes I feel like Scarlett O'Hara, "I'll think about that tomorra, if I think about it today I'll go crazy." But when it is this time of year or I look at my children, particularly Aaron, and see how their lives could have been different it is a challenge.

Sara is doing great, she has rods on both sides of her spine. Which, to her joy, will require her to have c-sections when she has children. That makes her happy, I don't know why. Do you want pain before or pain after?

Aaron is doing quite well. He is slightly crooked and lives with pain everyday of his life. But he still gets to do what he loves to do, play and teach private music lessons.

They are alive and living a happy and productive life. I gave up multiple scholarships. I attempted to get back into the flow and complete that degree several times over the years. But, I was just never able to get back into it. And that is okay.

I don't know all the reasons for things, and I don't always understand but truly one thing I do know is Romans 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. "

Does that make my pain go away. Not really, but it does bring comfort. And I know that I am better prepared to understand the grief and pain of others than I would have before.

I have been forever changed.

New Year's Resolutions

Here we are, another new year. I love this time of year. I guess I'm just naive enough to feel like I have a fresh start. Whoever came up with the idea to have Thanksgiving in November, quickly followed by Christmas in December and the New Year starting shortly thereafter was a genius. You get all wore out and burned out from all the holiday gatherings and festivities and then you quickly get to start another fresh year. I've been thinking about my New Year's Resolutions. I figure if I take them a day, week or month at a time I might be okay. Here are mine:

1. Start each day with a positive attitude. For me one way to accomplish this is to have my "quiet time" in the morning first thing. Get my coffee, my bible and devotional book and spend some quiet time reading, praying and meditating on what I've read.

2. Eat better, become more health conscious. I don't include exercise here, I know I should but, I really hate exercise and I know I will be pressured and yucky. Eating better is a good start. Dirty Harry said "A man has got to know his limitations." That goes for woman too.

3. Get more Christmas 09 knitting done. That means sticking with the A Loose Knit Group plan and not getting distracted.

4. Knitting more socks for ME!!!! I'm ashamed when I get around all my knitting friends and they are sporting their hand knit socks.

5. Read a new book every month. This means less Facebook and less playing the silly Yahtzee/solitaire games I play on my palm every night in bed. One book I am determined I am going to finish first is Out of Eden by Steinbeck. I started this book about 10 years ago. You see, there is this one character, Kathy, that I hate so much every time over the last 10 years I have picked the book back up to finish I can't stand it and I put it back down. I keep thinking if I knew for sure she comes to a bad end I might be able to finish it. I was the same way with Hugo's, Les Miserables. I loved Jean Valjean so much the thought of him coming to a bad end almost kept me from finishing it. If you haven't read it, oh my, it is such an awesome book. The movie with Liam Neeson is awesome as well.

6. Getting my house organized and keeping it organized.

Well, I'm sure there are more, but that is a pretty good start. How about you? You got any resolutions you want to share?

Thanksgiving Memories

I am so excited about Thanksgiving this year. It will be the first that my family and I have stayed at home and celebrated together. I've been cleaning for two days now, yep two days and there is so much more to do. Thankfully the children are excited about coming to Momma and Daddy's and they won't be critical of the house. Not unless the food sucks. :)

We have a pretty traditional meal planned. I love to cook so that part is going to be fun for me.

I have many Thanksgiving memories but the one that stands out most in my mind is one from my childhood. It must have been around 1963 or so, I was around six. By that time my parents were divorced and myself and my sister, Sheila, were living with my aunt and uncle. Aunt Beo (Nanny) and Uncle Melvin had purchased a bigger house in order to raise two little girls. My Daddy was single at the time so Aunt Beo had invited him to spend the day with us.

I can remember being so excited that my Daddy was going to be there. Aunt Beo prepared a wonderful traditional meal, turkey, green beans, corn, regular dressing and dressing with oysters special for my uncle, mashed potatoes, gravy, pumpkin pie, coconut cream and chocolate pies with wonderful fluffy meringue.

Now, I was a rather mischievous child. A good little girl, but my mind was always thinking of ways to surprise or trick people. I have all kinds of tales about my activities. My step-father, Luther, could tell you all kinds of nasty deeds done to him. He has a difficult time receiving a cup of coffee from me to this day. None were ever meant to cause harm though. I don't know, maybe I had too much time on my hands? But, my little mind was always working. It is kinda funny because now I hate practical jokes.

Anyways, while everyone was busy preparing food and such I had a brainstorm. I was admiring the pies Aunt Beo had made that morning when inspiration hit me. I found some unpopped popcorn in the cupboard, grabbed a handful and headed to the dining room where the pies were waiting to be devoured. I dropped about five or so kernels on top of each pie that had meringue and somehow, I don't remember now what I used, I pushed the kernels deep within the pies as an added little treat.

After we had finished our meal my heart began to race. I was so excited to see their faces when they bit into a nice soft piece of pie and found my "surprise. " As the pies were cut and handed out I couldn't stop giggling. My poor Daddy was the first and just about broke a tooth chomping into a big bite of pie. I can't remember getting into trouble. I'm sure Aunt Beo said something like "Peggy Lynn!!!!" It seems I can remember Daddy laughing along with me.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving full of wonderful memories. But, you might want to hide the popcorn. :)

On Monsters

Hey all!!!! Many of you have been contacting me wondering what in the world is going on that I haven't been showing up here much lately. It has been crazy. Or I think it has been. I've been making quite a few trips to take care of Nanny and many to Louisville for my Emma Belle. I've been working some for my Sara and this week I'm working a couple days for my favorite defense attorney. And yes, I have been knitting with a tad spinning thrown in for good measure. Probably the biggest thing that has been taking (stealing) my time is Facebook. I have fallen into the Facebook hole and can't, or don't want to, find my way out. Come over and befriend me.

Okay, about knitting. Hmmm, well since I'm at The Attorney's office I don't have any pictures to show you just now. But...........remember that horror story of a knitting project "Edward Longshanks?" That knee length tomten my oldest, Aaron, wanted? Well, thank the Lord Most High, or the knitting gods, or my ignorance, I made a mistake and the sleeves weren't matching up so that ugly baby is frogged!!!! Instead I'm knitting him a sweater from knitty.com called Avast. Very lovely and doable.

I also have a really cute little green hoodie OTN right now. This one is from ChicKnits, Basic Chic Hoodie, and it is for me. YAY. I have way too many other things OTN or about to jump OTN right now to even mention. I am going to do better in the area of communication though.

The other day I was thinking about what a mess everything is. I have knitting on the kitchen table and the bar in the kitchen. Knitting in the living room, in a couple places, knitting in my bedroom on the floor and the night stand. The wicker love seat is totally unsittable since it is piled high with knitting, yarn, needles, a yarn swift and ball winder and....oh yes fiber, oh and knitting books. Upstairs the wool room is total uninhabitable. All things knitting and spinning strewn throughout the room. A total mess. We won't even talk about the basement.

Thinking about it all I remembered a situation we encountered while living in a little two bedroom apartment in Tulsa, OK.....Graduate Housing while David attended Oral Roberts University and I worked for the Chaplain. We already had our three children. Aaron was 7, Sara 5, and Jordan 3. My kids were like most children they did not go lacking for toys and in a tiny apartment we didn't have much space. David came up with a plan. The "Toy Monster." Now, this is how the Toy Monster operated. David would tell the kids to pick up their toys because at a certain time on a certain day the Toy Monster was going to come through. Any toy not picked up and put in its proper place the Toy Monster picked up, put it in a box not to be seen again for a full month. It actually worked pretty well. When the old toys were set free by the Toy Monster you would think it was a family reunion or Christmas all over again. The children were once again united with their long lost toys.

Well, I was thinking.....what if there was "Yarn, or Knitting or Fiber Monster" that would come through and anything, no matter what, not found in its proper place would get taken away for a month. Would that cause me to keep things in better order? I guess if there was a project I started that I really loathed that would be a good excuse to never touch it again. Once it was released from Project Prison I could break parole by leaving it out and..........oh well.

Overall though, I don't think that would work. It would probably just give me a better excuse to cast on a bunch of new things or go out and buy more yarn. Or this would cause me to truly go stark raving mad and the "Monster" would bring it all back. Obsession know no limits. I'd do whatever it took.

What about you? Do you have knitting or whatnot all over your house? If you are one of those people who has everything in its place and seldom have more than one thing OTN ......I don't like you!!!!!!

Do you think a "Knitting, Yarn, Spinning Monster" would work in your house?

World Peace?

Do you think about world peace very often? Or what your part in it is? You know, while drinking your morning coffee you contemplate what the world would be like "if I were Queen (King) of the forest?"

I used to semi-jokingly state that we were going to obtain world peace one knitter at a time. I thought if we could get more and more people knitting we would come into a place of knitting zen where all boundaries would be broken. A place where all things knitterly would be shared in common. I imagined the United Nations filled with knitters from all around the world. Each country bringing it's own special, unique fiber to be added to the UN stash. And each time a new texture, fiber or color was added all would join in together with oooooooooooo's and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh's. Instead of the clicking of angry tongues one would hear the clicking of happy knitting needles. I imagined the halls being filled with little free rolling yarn balls. And via the wonderful gift of knitting each country would learn to share of their resources and come up with constructive, creative ways to solve all OUR major issues. We would act as one.

Overall, most fiber enthusiasts I've met world wide are very giving people. I've had people from all over the world send me yarn, cd's, fiber, chocolate, patterns and knitted items just because they wanted to gift me with things. Wonderful people from Norway, England, Belgium, Canada, and here in the States. I began believing my surmise........Knitting is the way to world peace. Yes and amen.

But then something happened to burst my bubble. I started hanging around knitters. People!!!!! If it weren't for people we could achieve world peace. I wish I could blame it on all the other knitters, but alas, I can't. I have no one but myself to blame. You see, I've known this for some time now, but it is something I've managed to keep hidden deep within myself. A secret I find it difficult to reveal. Actually, a secret I have relished with pride.

"Hello, my name is Peggy and I am a......................yarn snob." The only way I can allow myself to be so vulnerable as to reveal this is I hope to give you the courage to admit who/what you really are. That you too will come out of the closet. That through my groveling you may have your own personal epiphany.

I am a yarn snob. I've been one for a number of years. At least five years. I think it happened about the time I became a serious knitter. What I mean by that is when all other hobbies were forsaken for only knitting. If the word hobby is disconcerting to you we will deal with that later. It was around that time that I quit going into the craft section of Wal-Mart or Hobby Lobby to look for yarn. The word "acrylic" seldom passed over my tongue except in phrases of disgust. In fact, that is a word I would only say in a whisper. I thought "Never has a more disgusting, vile word been created" except for one other word I won't venture to mention just yet. I don't recall being rude to anyone over my snobbery. Many times our prejudices thrive within the darkness of our superior thoughts or are veiled in our communications. Such as, "Oh, yeah, if you want QUALITY yarn you need to go to the "yarn store."" Or, "All the acrylic yarn I have in my stash was given to me, I only use it when teaching new knitters."

How can I hope to be any part of any kind of answer to any kind of world peace of any kind when I harbor any kind superiority? I wish I could say my being a yarn snob was the worst of my deepest darkest secrets. Many times when the cosmic light of self-awareness shines into the dark, dank crevices of our souls other, more serious character flaws are revealed.

To Be Continued......................

Honey, I'm Home

Let me see, let me see........what have I been adoin........welp, for one I've been playing a game of sorts with myself. You may remember the Tomten I started last year. Yeah, the one that mocked me every time I went into the wool room. It called me every name and then some. Stinkin thing. If you remember I finally named it Edward Longshanks out of pure hatred. Well, I finally decided I was either going to have to finished the blanking thing or silence it once and for all. And since Aaron has always been so excited about it my motherly love got the best of me and I came up with a plan.

I have various kinds of knitting. I have my "mindless" knitting. This is the kind of knitting I can work on in the car (while riding, never say I condone knitting while driving, however, you should ALWAYS has at least one project with you at all times, remember the dude in the elevator). Or mindless knitting is handy while waiting in the doctor's office or during meetings or church services, etc., etc. (keep your self-righteous thoughts to yourself please)

So I always have some form of mindless knitting going. Simple socks work well for this but, presently I have the faux moebius going for this. Why faux you ask? Okay, a moebius is actually knit in the round but the knitting is twisted. Mine is a faux moebius because I am knitting it as a rectangular scarf and then I'm twisting it when I seam it together. (please keep your self-righteous thoughts to yourself).

The game of sorts is this, I'm not allowed to work on anything else at home until the tomten is finished. I really don't have that much to do. Just the sleeves and the trim. Of course the trim is like knitting 6-8 rows around a football field. (I did cheat a tad by doing some spinning. Self-righteous thoughts should be kept to yourself, please.)

The real fun to this here game is that I go to Enchanted Yarn and Fiber once a week and while there and only there I get to work on the cutest little hoodie you ever saw. I love this little baby and she is for me, me, ME!!!! (You know what to do, please.)

Progress Is Good

I've been making progress on some of my knitting. My sampler for the Sweater Sampler class at Enchanted Yarn & Fiber is moving right along. I cannot recommend this class/project enough. I'm not Sweater Woman by any means, but the whole process of putting a sweater pattern together from scratch doesn't seem quite so daunting. I love how the simple changes of color/stitches adds such a decorative pattern.

I finished the Feathers & Fan, or whatever, it is so beautiful. I love it. It may end up under some one's Christmas tree, I'm not sure yet.

I'm working on a faux moebius (mo-bee-us). Faux because it is actually being knit flat and then I will do the twisty thing and seam it up. I love this yarn, Peace Fleece in Grassroots colorway. It should go with lots of things. I got the stitch pattern out of a stitch dictionary(?).



I went to the Yarn Tasting Party at Enchanted this past Sunday. I got there late but it was such fun. We got 13 little balls of 13 different yarns to try out. What fun!!!! While there I bought some yarn for some special projects I have coming up. One being a baby sweater set for an upcoming baby (not mine). I so love this yarn. It is Jojoland Rhythm. It gets softer as you work with it and the changes in color are so subtle and beautiful. I got the pattern here.

I'm heading to the Enchanted land for another class. Updates to follow.